IN AN OF: memoirs of a mystic journey, part 2, chapter 13, by Jack Haas

Part 2, chapter thirteen

Our selves exist only in relation, whether it be with the earth, with others, or with God. To realize this is to lose yourself in relation, and more than that- to become relation. It is a bond in all directions, and you belong to everything, and more than that- you are everything. The boundaries of separation weaken and dissolve, and only the integral bonds of relation remain which produce the cosmic dance.

In the slack, motionless movement, between the sublime ebb and flow of existence and non-existence, where inside and outside exchange themselves- there it is that separation occurs only so as to glorify the One.

When finally the Self has taken dominion of the self, you become like a boat by which others might cross the perilous sea. You become the ark and the covenant.

The archetypes and mythos begin to swirl about the limitless vortex of your uncaged non-being. And in that living absence you are not contained, but …you contain.

To become such a window to the infinite is to be nothing and to be all; it is to weep when others come weeping, to laugh when they are laughing, and to dance, and dance, and dance when they come to you dancing. You’re inhuman and so bloody human that you die everyday from sorrow, and rise everyday from joy. You are no longer separate. And you are no longer you.

Like a door which swings both ways so heaven and earth can visit each other; you become the nothing which allows the all; out of the original binary comes the absence called the third, the slack tide, the non-breath between breaths, the hole between the external and internal which creates the whole, the living non-division between us. The Wholly Ghost.

And so, in the sublime paradox of this position, in the tangle of our oneness, no matter what you do or how you do it, the higher you rise, the higher you lift others with you; to free yourself is to set all free. As you liberate yourself, you liberate everyone, for you are everyone. And so there is no sense in getting bound in another’s prison, simply because they are a prisoner. To remain behind for them is to turn back for Eurydice and to lose her in that turning.

These days we must be both Orpheus and Eurydice, if we are to return to the surface with our whole selves intact. Eternity in the Tree of Life is paid for by nothing but our own lives; as the fruit falls also from the limb, so too we must fall into the mire, and grow upward from the dirt; we must cultivate our own spirits, ever pruning, grafting, fertilizing, and pollinating all the radiant blastemas of our own sapling selves; we must learn to shed our own fruit, and become living trees in the Forest of Life. For even as a sapling is not a tree until it can itself bear fruit, so only when I came to see through the eyes of the One, did the abundance of the God within burst forth in fecund and laughing rapture from me.

Each of us is everything, and everything is each of us. It’s like the Jewelled Web of Indra- in which there is an infinite carpet made of hollow gems, each of which is completely clear and empty in and of itself, and yet it contains the reflection of all other gems. In this way we are more each other than we are ourselves. Only the clouded ego-gem thinks it otherwise.

The microcosm is the means of the macrocosm, which is the medium in which the microcosm flows. Man is God applied. Waves within water within waves. Gods within God within Gods, where everything ends and begins in the singular, manifold, dynamic stillness. All of life emerges from, and dwells there. God does not see you, or me, or any others; God does not see many, God sees One. When the edge collapses the center grows, the hairy beast sprouts feathers, the feathers become flames, and the fire turns the chaff into manna.

It is a manic dawn which breaks in and rolls over upon you. It is a glee and tremor which catapults you away to the here which is nowhere. No more repentance. No more concern. No more assurance. No more to learn. The Beginning which has never ended has taken over and devoured you. And you have devoured being. Like the famed Ouroboros, you are at the head of time eating the tail of space, engulfing itself to nility, and from that zero all infinities are born.

For at a certain point in the evolution of Being, each fragment of the whole, each individual, will come to recognize themselves as the center of all experience; that I am not outside of you, I am inside of you; that you are not inside you, you are inside me; that there is neither inside nor outside. Because the further you look, the more you see, until you cease to be a player, and become the cosmic Play.

When you become everything you are no longer trapped in the world, you are the world; indeed you must dance in both realms, or you shall dance in none.

But to get to both aspects of the One, you have to wipe yourself completely off the map and become the map. Your mind must dissolve into the Mind, and your body must become the Earth.

Why this is I have no clue. Why this way and not another, is inexplicable to me. It is a great godsea, and we are waves within it, and who can say how, why, what, or wherefore?


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